GroWinG

The blueberries (that's their size right now, so that's what we call them) are growing!

Saw heartbeat flickers today. :)

Feels SO AMAZING!!!!

What's up in Stewart land :)

 

Ryan and I were able to go on Saturday night to a ward activity/date night at our chapel.   Our Stake Presidency and Bishopric have been putting alot of focus on marriage and how to keep work to keep the marriage and the family units strong.  I have a feeling this is a topic all around the church these days.  With technology like texting and social networking I am sure alot of marriages end up suffering a little.

 

I loved everything about this date night,  Ryan and I are lucky we have been able to have three years of dating (well almost 4 by the time the babies come) We are really good about spending quality time together.   I imagine once children come into play that will get more difficult but we both are committed to not letting it disappear.  The date night consisted of dinner Olive Garden themed,  games and dancing.   We also had Bishop Williams and his wife come and speak to us,   I LOVED their talks.   They were very open and honest about their early marriage struggles when they had 3 babies under 5 after only dating for 3 months before getting married and only 2 months after marriage finding out they were expecting.  Alot of times I think the topic of sex is so taboo and uncomfortable in the church and they didn't let it be,  they brought it front and center.   Bishop stated the act in a marriage is called intimacy to him, not sex and that is how he counsels couples to think of it.  

 

He counseled us to read a book called Between a Husband and Wife  which can be found here.  I will be purchasing this book for Ryan and I to read together,  not because we have problems but because I don't ever want us to in this area.   

 

His wife spoke about their Bishop when they were a young couple with three young children,   her husband was in law school and they were going through the daily motions.   She was sneaking into bed at night after everyone was alseep just because she was tired of being touched all day by babies and didn't want to be touched at night.   Their Bishop counseled them to have date night weekly,  to communicate and to listen to each other's needs. Because each person in a marriage has different needs.   She made a comment that if her husband comes home and does the dishes that shows her his love for her. 

 

Bishop Williams emphasized that the church will not come in to your bedroom,  what each couple does and how different it varies is their choice but to also remember it is intimacy, not just sex and to treat it and your partner with respect.

 

I liked this part of the talk they gave us from Jeffrey R. Holland,  who was speaking at a BYU devotional about intimacy and marriage.

 

"But such a total, virtually unbreakable union, such an unyielding commitment between a man and a woman, can only come with the proximity and permanence afforded in a marriage covenant, with the union of all that they possess--their very hearts and minds, all their days and all their dreams. They work together, they cry together, they enjoy Brahms and Beethoven and breakfast together, they sacrifice and save and live together for all the abundance that such a totally intimate life provides such a couple. And the external symbol of that union, the physical manifestation of what is a far deeper spiritual and metaphysical bonding, is the physical blending that is part of--indeed, a most beautiful and gratifying expression of--that larger, more complete union of eternal purpose and promise.

As delicate as it is to mention in such a setting, I nevertheless trust your maturity to understand that physiologically we are created as men and women to fit together in such a union. In this ultimate physical expression of one man and one woman they are as nearly and as literally "one" as two separate physical bodies can ever be. It is in that act of ultimate physical intimacy we most nearly fulfill the commandment of the Lord given to Adam and Eve, living symbols for all married couples, when he invited them to cleave unto one another only, and thus become "one flesh" (Genesis 2:24).

Obviously, such a commandment to these two, the first husband and wife of the human family, has unlimited implications--social, cultural, and religious as well as physical--but that is exactly my point. As all couples come to that moment of bonding in mortality, it is to be just such a complete union. That commandment cannot be fulfilled, and that symbolism of "one flesh" cannot be preserved, if we hastily and guiltily and surreptitiously share intimacy in a darkened corner of a darkened hour, then just as hastily and guiltily and surreptitiously retreat to our separate worlds--not to eat or live or cry or laugh together, not to do the laundry and the dishes and the homework, not to manage a budget and pay the bills and tend the children and plan together for the future. No, we cannot do that until we are truly one--united, bound, linked, tied, welded, sealed, married."

 

They also gave us a picture frame and a sharpie to write love notes to each other. 

 

I am so glad Ryan and I made the time to enjoy this night.  I came away feeling very enlightened and loved.

 

 

In other new's if you didn't catch my hint above mentioning the babies,   well it means exactly what it looks like.  We are having TWO babies!

 

We are so excited (okay and a little scared too) and I know baby B doesn't look like its all there.   The picture she gave us was not the best.  It's there we saw it!

 

And I'm a little annoyed because the stroller/carseat combo from Britax I loved when thinking of one baby, the double stroller of the same model only allows for ONE infant seat.  So annoying,  why make a double stroller that can't be used by twins as babies?  So I am looking again.  I am kind of a stroller and car seat snob so there is a few brands I won't even look at.  I can't do color's,  I want blacks not pinks or greens or browns.  My cars are black and I want black car seats.

 

So we are making lists now of everything double we need for big ticket items since those are not what you get at a shower and we need to start buying one thing a month.  Two cribs.  Two of everything.  :)

 

But this is it I think.  Unless by some miracle it happens naturally we are going to be a happy little family of four!

 

And I made Ryan promise me we will go on one vacation in a PLANE before the babies turn 2 and we have to buy 4 tickets.  I dont really care where we go I just want one big vacation where we don't have to jump from buying 2 to 4 seats :)



Worrying

The day we hit the safe zone will be the day I really start enjoying this pregnancy I think.  Throughout this whole process I have worried every step. Will we get enough eggs? Will they fertilize? Will they make it to blastocyst?  Will we have enough to freeze any leftover?  Will the shots hurt?  Will the medicine work?  Will the transfer go smooth?  Will it work?

 

Well now that it has worked my list of questions has not gone away.

 

This weekend when we were out of town, Saturday morning I woke up to some spotting.  I ran into the room and said a little panicky to Ryan "Ryan there is BLOOD"  Ryan (who is the calmness to my craziness I think I have mentioned)  very quietly started asking me questions. 

 

Ryan:  Is it alot?

Me:  No

Ryan: Was there anything else you saw?

Me: No

Ryan: More gross question's that you don't want to know

Me: More gross answer's you dont want to hear

Finally...

Me: But Ryan there is Blood!

Ryan:  I know babe but that doesn't mean that anything is wrong.  Let's call the doctor before we freak out okay?

Me: (crying)  Okay..

 

After looking up on every fertility forum I could find and calling the on call nurse and talking to her about how this is the most common phone call they receive, and her telling me approximately 40% of people who do IVF will have spotting.  Even her who has done IVF had spotting and freaked out,  did I feel somewhat better.   She hung up with continue your medicine,  come in on Tuesday for blood work and if it doesn't go away or get worse to call back.  

 

Thankfully it went away,  but I am not going to lie I probably went pee more that weekend than I ever have just to see if I was still spotting.  It sort of put me on edge all weekend.

 

Then I went to the doctor's yesterday to give blood and normally they call you that afternoon to let you know how everything turned out,  well now that the doctor's office did their job and got me pregnant they have to send it out to LabCorp per my insurance.  It just makes me so mad.  I am still in your care.  I have paid you so much money I can't sleep at night sometimes and since I am officially pregnant and no longer 'in cycle' if I have your lab do it instead of Labcorp it will be $422 dollars.  RIDICULOUS!  Also next week when we go to find out if we are having one or two,  yeah that's going to cost us $483.  Such a rip off, but Ryan and I just take a deep breath and are happy for the success we have had and say we are never going through this again.

 

We really are so thankful and over the moon,  we don't care boy or girl and Ryan is even now saying if it is twins we will make it work :)  We just wish they would leave us some money to actually have the kid and pay for diapers lol