I cannot wait to wake up tomorrow and have the calendar say we are in February.
January 2012 has not been good to me and I am ready to say goodbye to it and need to vent!
I just need something to go our way in February, I feel like all I have done in January is get crappy news. My Mom finally got a diagnosis, and while I am happy we finally know what the issue is. It's still crappy to hear. We are a strong close family and we will get through this, I know my Mom and my family will be okay but that doesn't stop me from feeling crappy right now. My parents are amazing people and two of my best friends and there struggles make me love them even more. My mom might be struggling, but to me she is the same amazing mother and friend I have always had. But for their sake we need a year where they both feel good , so please February be kind to us.
We found out this week our first round of IUI did not work, I am not surprised I have just felt all month that it was the wrong day to implant and that it wouldn't work. Mentally I have been preparing myself all month that it would be a No and to start looking towards our 2nd IUI in February. Seeing the No and starting your cycle don't take away from the pain though. It hurts. It's a rejection like when that guy you really liked in high school just flat out rejected you and you thought your world was over. That's how it feels. Not to mention your on fertility drugs so your hormones are already all over the place and it leads to alot of crying to my mom, Ryan and my friends. I'll get over it in a day or two and move on to the next cycle. But for these two days I'm sulking because I honestly never thought having a baby would be this hard but we have faith the Lord will provide. My patriartical blessing talks about my sons and daughters so I know they are up there just waiting for the right time, I know I am meant to be a mom. I also know I am not patient :) I'm hopeful for February, it's a good month for Ryan and I. We got engaged two years ago Feb 18th, and our half anniversary falls on Valentines Day, so I have a few special things planned for this month and hopefully in a few months I'll be able to say that February is also the month where we finally got our baby!
If that wasn't enough, Ryan got some news today that was kinda crappy about PT School. I feel so bad. He has worked so hard to be able to get into PT School so we can begin the next part of our lives and his career and any little setback sucks. I have faith in Ryan and I know he will not give up, I know that when the time comes for us to make a decision on where to go and what to do for school that will be best for our family, we will make the right one and we will be okay. But today since I am already sulking about not being pregnant I'm going to throw this in there and sulk about this too! :)
I don't want to sound like a total whiner though, there are so many things I am so thankful for and there are so many blessings Ryan and I have received over the last few years. I know that everything we are going through is just one chapter in our life story. And I know that while some trials are rough on marriages, ours have had the opposite affect and we are closer than ever. We are each other's rocks and we rely on each other and on our Heavenly Father to make it through each hurdle we encounter.
So I will continue to have faith, look forward and trust in the Lord's plan for us.
I'm just hoping Lord that means a good February :)
I don't want to sound like a total whiner though, there are so many things I am so thankful for and there are so many blessings Ryan and I have received over the last few years. I know that everything we are going through is just one chapter in our life story. And I know that while some trials are rough on marriages, ours have had the opposite affect and we are closer than ever. We are each other's rocks and we rely on each other and on our Heavenly Father to make it through each hurdle we encounter.
So I will continue to have faith, look forward and trust in the Lord's plan for us.
I'm just hoping Lord that means a good February :)