Faith..

Being in Primary makes you miss out on the Relief Society  (RS) lessons.   Not that I don't love being in primary but I hear or give the same two sharing time's every week and sometimes feel like I am not being spiritually fed enough.   Luckily our RS emails out a newsletter every week and gives a overview of the lesson, announcements, activities, etc. for the coming week.   I noticed in the first newsletter of the year that our RS is doing the Book of Mormon challenge again,  which is perfect for me because that was one of my 2012 goals to read it from cover to cover again.   Attached to the newsletter was a daily guide for January's reading scheduling to keep you on track, in the past depending on my daily schedule I would follow along or if I had extra time would read longer or if I was short on time would only read a few versus,  the thing I liked most about this particular schedule was for every section of reading for that day it has a link to a talk given on a topic that relates to that particular section.  Since we are just starting off we are in 1 Nephi and to be honest it is one of my least favorite sections to read, only because for years  I would never make it all the way through the Book of Mormon and so it would be one of the only sections I would read all the way through.  I guess it makes me think about that and so all I want to do is keep reading and get past Nephi and onto Jacob.  

 When I pray and don't receive a answer I get frustrated, sad or hurt and sometimes feel that is when my faith falters a little.  I know this is wrong but sometimes it is how I feel.  I have been struggling lately because Ryan and I are having such a hard time getting pregnant.  I feel punished and as much as I try to stay positive and keep the faith I just am having such a hard time with why it's not happening.  I just wish one thing in my life in could be easy right now my dad has cancer,  my mom has some health issues of her own going on and now this.  Ryan and I pray every day for us to be blessed with a baby,  and let me tell you when you can't have something you want it even more and it's everywhere!  I try not to let it affect me, but sometimes I just want to scream "Quit complaining, at least you can have a baby!" But I don't :)

Today on my lunch hour as I was reading the highlighted talk from Richard G. Scott that corresponded to 1 Nephi 3, I was really glad I didn't just gloss over 1 Nephi to get to Jacob. Elder Scott talked about prayer's and learning to recognize the answer's. 

 Elder Scott said "When He withholds an answer, it is to have us grow through faith in Him, obedience to His commandments, and a willingness to act on truth. We are expected to assume accountability by acting on a decision that is consistent with His teachings without prior confirmation. We are not to sit passively waiting or to murmur because the Lord has not spoken. We are to act."

  I loved this next part in Elder Scott's talk.  "Most often what we have chosen to do is right. He will confirm the correctness of our choices His way. That confirmation generally comes through packets of help found along the way. We discover them by being spiritually sensitive. They are like notes from a loving Father as evidence of His approval. If, in trust, we begin something which is not right, He will let us know before we have gone too far. We sense that help by recognizing troubled or uneasy feelings."

I needed to hear this,  we are acting and I needed that extra reassurance that we are on the right path!   I know that my Heavenly Father loves me, and I know that if I have faith and if Ryan and I are obedient and keep the faith in Him that we will be parents.   It might come soon,  it might not. It might come in ways we weren't originally planning on, but one way or the other it will happen I know it.