Plans...

There are alot of things I don't love about myself and know I need to work on.  But one of the things I do love is that I am planner.  I have a spreadsheet or a plan for everything, our monthly bills, Ryan's schooling, tax return money, weekly meal and chore planning, vacation budgets you name it ..

I used to think that every time something good happens,  like we find out how much we are getting on our tax return or we decide to go out of town on a vacation I would immediately go into plan mode.  Normally not only do I have a plan, but I have a back up plan just in case my plan doesn't work out.  That's the way I function and I don't do very well when there isn't a plan...

But, obviously there are things in our lives that are not going according to my plans right now.  I was thinking the other day after receiving some not so great news again that even when things aren't working out I still am in plan mode.   I give myself one day to wallow, cry, grieve, whatever and then Amanda is back in plan mode, making calls, making lists and figuring out the next step we need to take.   It literally keeps me a sane functioning happy person, and keeps me from not giving up. 

 I was talking with Ryan the other day about working out,  I have been very bad at it lately and you can definitely see the results of that.  I think part of his coping is to work out and that's how he releases grief or stress,   I on the other hand go in the opposite direction I sleep because that's the only time my mind isn't talking to itself and going crazy.  I know its bad, I know it's not healthy and is not going to help me accomplish what we are trying to accomplish.  I know I need to get out of this funk and need to get back to working out, so I made a plan (of course)  lol.  The next two months my goal is to get back into a routine of going to a spin class or step class or something where there is a set time I have to be there at least 2-3 times a week. 

 I am going to work on getting back to feeling better about me and I am putting away my lists and plans for all things baby related for the next two months.   So don't ask me about how the baby making is going, because for the next two months it's not in the plans :)

The next two months are about me and me alone...