Why???

The other night on our way home from our friends house Ryan and I got into a fight in the car.   We hardly ever fight and hardly ever raise our voices at each other,  but this was a night where we did both for a good 15 minutes.  Our friends just went through IVF and are expecting a baby end of October!  We were talking about all the shots you have to take and where and when and every time I think about it or talk about it I get panicked,  I have a fear of needles, like a bad fear,  like when I was 10-11 I had to have a penicillin shot  in my leg and it took my mom and a nurse holding me down and me screaming (even after being bribed with a New Kids on the Block video) for them to get it done.   Ryan just doesn't understand,  he doesn't have that fear and he was being sort of flippant about it like it will be okay,  don't worry, I don't get why you are freaking, and I just hit my breaking point and blew up. 

We talked it out and made up,  and of course I am going to take the shots for however long I need to,  because my want of a baby over powers my fear of needles and I will do anything to grow our family. 

But I just don't get Why?

Why does it have to be so hard for us to have a baby?

Why have the last two years of my families life medical wise been so horrible?

Why did my dad get cancer?

Why did my mom get Parkinson's?

Why is my mom having such a hard time finding a doctor that can help her, instead of during the last two years have just made her worse?

WHY???

They say the Lord only gives you what you can handle, but I just don't see why he thinks we can handle all of this.  It's tearing my mom apart...

The reality is my dad has an incurable cancer,   he is doing great now and he could outlive me but if that somehow changes I just am so mad that my parents can't even enjoy the time right now because my mom is so sick.  She doesn't even leave the house most days because her headaches are so bad.

All my mom has talked about for the last 5 years is that she will finally quit working when I have a baby so she can play grandma and babysit my baby.  She can't do that right now and it makes me so mad and so guilty.   As that time nears closer to hopefully us having a child I pray so often that some doctor can help her to feel better so she can get that opportunity that she's wanted for so long. 

No matter what, if my mom can watch the baby or can't my child is lucky to have my parents as grandparents.   They are the most amazing, kind generous people I know and  my child will be showered with love, affection and presents I am sure.  But if anything my parents deserve to have some health come their way,  deserve to go on a vacation and out to dinner and to the movies again. 

I pray that the remainder of 2012 find my family getting better and stronger and healthier,  because since finding out about my dad's cancer in April 2010 its been nothing but bad new medical wise since...

We take our injection class on Thursday and let's hope I don't pass out...



Final Vacation Post - D.C.

Tuesday, April 17th was the day of the Smithsonian's.   We drove by almost all of them (there are 19)  on our trolley tour the previous day but between the Memorials and Arlington Cemetery we didn't even attempt to go in any of them.

We looked at the list the list the night before and decided we were going to attempt 3 of them.

We decided to visit the National Air and Space Museum first.   We got off the subway about 4 blocks away and were walking towards the museum when we saw the Space Shuttle Discovery flying overhead.   We had heard the day before it was going to do a fly over but no one knew what time.  We just happened to be walking down the street when someone yelled "There it is!"  Needless to say we didn't have our camera out yet and we almost missed it.   We got a few shots but I wouldn't say they were great.  It was amazing though,  everyone stopped what they were doing and just stood on street corner's hoping to catch the next glimpse.  I am glad we were able to be there and be a part of history.

We were able to get one more picture since it was being stored at Dulles International Airport, so we took this inside the airport waiting for our flight.

After it settled down and everyone thought the fly over was done,  we went about our business and toured  The  National Air and Space Museum,  The National History Museum and The American History Museum.

The National Air and Space Museum is dedicated to displaying and preserving all forms of travel.   We saw the invention of planes,  to planes in war,  to passenger planes in the 1960's when air travel was high class.  Peanut's and cracker's were not even on the radar,  they had full on steak and lobster as their meals.   Melanie and I took a test to see if we would qualify to be able to be a stewardess back then and we both failed.  You had to be the Sports Illustrated swimsuit caliber to be a stewardess :)  We also were able to touch a piece of the moon and see many artifacts and ship capsules from the different space museums.   It's a cool museum especially for little boys.

I just looked and I didn't take hardly any pictures in this museum I must have been too busy!

This is a picture of Ryan and Mel doing their training for a flight simulation they went on.  This is me standing in the "safe zone"  like 30 feet away.  I have no idea why they made us stand so far away but because of that, this is the only picture I could get.   They had alot of fun,  Melanie came out and said she had 3 kills and Ryan made them go upside down alot.  He loved it.

Next stop was the Natural History Museum.  or the Dinosaur Museum.   I love this one,  I love dinosaurs!  Maybe its because I grew up with two brothers who loved dinosaurs but I just think they are so cool.

This picture was taken by Ryan...No matter what age a guy is they act 5 sometimes.   He took this picture because the caveman is bending down and his privates were out...If you look you can see, I'm not about to point it out.   He laughed for 5 minutes about it and took 3 pictures.   Boys!



 This museum is also home to the Gems and you can see the Hope Diamond.  It's massive.   They have a entire room filled with jewelry that some very happy women wore.   As we walked by them there was one necklace full of emerald's that the description said the husband gave it to the wife at the birth of their first child.   So a high class push present.  I turned to Ryan and said he better start saving for mine lol

The last museum we hit up was the American History Museum,  aka the First Lady dresses.

I didn't take any pictures at this museum.  It was like 3pm before we even got their,  I was having bad cramps and my feet were killing me.  Plus the coolest thing there,  the original Star-Spangled Banner you are not able to photograph it.   It's very cool to see though,  and so much bigger than I thought. A few other interesting things,  Dorothy's slippers from the Wizard of Oz.  They look so cheap in person,  they are just heels that were bedazzled.   The sunstone cap from the Nauvoo Temple.

We finished the last night of our vacation by having dinner at a restaurant called 1789.  It was AMMMMAAAAZZZZIIINNNGGGG!!  You literally felt like you were eating in George Washington's dining room in the 1700's.  The china was beautiful,  the service excellent and the food was to die for.   This is how I know I will never be super skinny.  It is not worth it to me to survive on lettuce and veggies for every meal to be a size 2.   Some of the best dates Ryan and I have are trying new restaurants and just sitting and nibbling and talking for hours.

Anyways, back to the food.   I only got pictures of the main course because the restaurant was so fancy the menu specifically said please do not have your cell phones out as not to distract from the ambiance for other customers.  So we snuck it out at the main course and snapped pics really quick.  But let me tell you every thing was amazing.   They had these little spinach bread rolls,  so delicious.   I had the artichoke soup for a starter and Ryan had the mussels with black pasta, Mel had the mushroom and goat cheese ravioli's. For main course.  I had the waiter recommended Halibut with quinoa and Lobster sauce.  It was heavenly.  Ryan had the lamb shoulder with polenta and Melanie had the beef tenderloin over potatoes.  We all tried every course of each other's and nothing was bad.  The dessert's were fantastic also!  If we ever go back to D.C.  I will gladly go their again!

Our vacation to Maryland and D.C. was so much fun.   Between going to Philadelphia last year and D.C. this year I have seen and learned so much about the American History.   When I went to D.C. with my family when I was 18 I thought it was cool but I didn't really pay attention or study what I was really seeing.  This time it meant so much more.  I was a little sad to come home though because with Ryan starting school in 2 months and us starting IVF next week we are pretty much home bound for the next year and I love to travel.  I will gladly trade travelling though to be able to have a baby.   If our IVF cycle works we should have the baby in March of next year and hopefully be able to take a little trip out to CA or something on Ryan's summer break next year though as a family of three (or maybe 4 if we have twins!)



Wish us luck!



Vacation Post #2 - D.C.

Sunday, April 15th we woke up and went downstairs to say our goodbyes.  Saying goodbye is always hard,  especially when you have no idea when you will see that person again.   With all the expenses we have this year for fertility I just can't afford to go back East again for at least a year or two,  so I am hoping Jaime and Ben are able to come out to the West coast for a visit before then.

After the goodbyes we got on the road.  Funny story,  well not funny then but by the time I publish this blog and read it again it will be funny,  Ryan got into DC before me and rented the car  before driving up to MD for the wedding.   They suckered him into adding on the insurance on the car I was so proud I got such a good weekly rate on through Costco ended up costing us $200 more for the week.   I was not happy....at all.  Anyways,  we got on the road and stopped for breakfast at a Bob Evans,  which is like a Cracker Barrel kind of.   We have a rule when we travel,  we don't eat anywhere we could eat back home,  so Bob Evans it was.   It was pretty good.

My friend Mel has had a rough last 6 months, her father was diagnosed with lung cancer and ended up passing away in March. I know the feeling of being surrounded by sickness and cancer so I knew she needed to get away. I basically forced her after the wedding to come to DC with us and I am so glad she did!

Our first stop was to drive out to the Potomac and visit Mt. Vernon,  George Washington's home.   If you ever go to DC you need to visit Mt. Vernon.   This was my second time and I enjoyed it just as much as I did the first time (and both time it was 90 degree days in humidity!)

The innovation he had back then amazes me.  You aren't allowed to take pictures inside so there isn't any of those but the place is beautiful.   He liked bright color's and so green's and teal's and yellows were everywhere.   Which back then was so expensive,   in fact he had to lock up his paints to make sure they weren't stolen.   You can tour the house,  the slaves quarters, the barn, the cemeteries its a full day thing.  I wish I would have taken a picture before I gave to my parents but I bought them S hooks and nails replicated from what would have come out of his blacksmiths shop back in 1780.

Ryan in front of the main house

not a bad view from your back porch

It was hot and the bee's were everywhere so this is me trying to get away from the bee's look.

After Mt. Vernon we drove into the city to check into the hotel,  my friend Stacey at work was able to get us the friends and family rate at the Hilton near the Capitol Building.   It was a nice room and was a block from the subway so that was awesome.    By then it was already time for dinner,  we grabbed a bite near the hotel and called it a night.

Monday, April 16th we woke up early to catch the trolley tour I had purchased.   Again, if you are ever in DC do it!   Its trolley or buses that basically take you all around the city to the general area of most of the memorials, Smithsonian's and places of interest.   You can hop off at a stop and once you are done you wait for the next trolley to come pick you up.   We were able to see ALOT in one day.

Jefferson Memorial

Washington Monument

Mel taking a pic,  we took alot of them :)

View of the White house from the Jefferson steps

FDR Memorial

Arlington Cemetery changing of the Guards at the Unknown Soldier's Tombs

Asked a stranger to take a picture in front of Lincoln Memorial,  apparently he thought that boy was with us!

The Capitol Reflecting pond.

We finished up the night with a dinner at Graffiato's a Italian restaurant owned by Mike Isabella from Top Chef. We were starving since we didn't eat until 9:00pm so the only picture I got out of all the food we tried was the Gnocchi which was delish!

I'm going to have to make D.C. two posts because this is only two day's events :)

But before I forget I need to post a picture of Ryan's WaWa Cookies and Cream Milk and Sweet Cream pretzel.   Every time he sees one it takes him back to him mission.  He drank 4 on our vacation! (At 600 calories a piece I might add lol)

Okay last two days of D.C. will be posted in a separate post. 

Vacation Post #1 - Maryland

I flew into BWI in Baltimore on Wednesday, April 11th in the morning.   I was greeted by the bride to be who shuttled me into the car with her mom and we were off!   Her house is about 2 hours from the airport so once we got back to her house and started making seating assignments and putting together the favors jet lag sunk in.   Jaime and her mom ran to the store to get more Swedish Fish (since they are the "Fish"er's!) and I went upstairs and took a much needed nap.  When I woke up I got to meet Jaime's husband Ben for the first time.  It is still so weird to me that my friend who I have known all her boyfriends for the last 11 years and she mine that I had never met or talked to the man she married.  He is a really nice guy and even though we were sad to see her leave Vegas she definitely is happy back in Maryland with Ben.

The first thing out of my mouth was I want Chik Fil A for dinner.  We don't have one in Vegas and we had driven by 3 on the way to her house and I knew I was eating there at least once on this trip!

It was just as good as I remembered it!

The next day we had to drive back to Baltimore to pick up our friend Sam from the airport.  since her flight didn't get in until 4:30pm we hung out with Jaime's mom and Aunt Cathy at the Baltimore Inner Harbor.  It was so nice. They had this really big ship from the Civil War.  I wanted to take a tour but we didn't have time so we just took pictures in front of it.

That night we just chilled and did a dry run of Jaime's hair for the wedding.

Friday we woke up and went to get manicures and then ran over to the hotel to drop off all the items in the bridal suite and get the centerpieces set up for the Hilton to duplicate.

not sure what I was doing lol

Friday night we met up with Jaime and Ben's families and I booked a private dining room at a placed called The Ruddy Duck near the hotel (I know the name is weird but the food was really good!)

The happy couple,  they are so cute together!

Saturday was Jaime's wedding.   It was such a fun day of girl time.   There was curling iron's everywhere and at one point her cousin walked in and said our room smelled like burnt hair lol.  Jaime cried a few times after she had done her make up,  especially giving us our gift.  Her bridesmaids and mother were all trying to keep her to not cry so as she handed gifts out we said naughty things to her.  It worked though and she looked so beautiful!

Her and Ben's vows to each other were lovely and you could definitely see the love between them.  I love weddings for that reason it is a day to celebrate love. 

Here are a few of my favorite pics from the wedding

bridesmaids

dancing with her father

dancing with her step-father

I love this pic...so Jaime!

I'll post a few more once she get's the professional pics back from the photographer.  It was such a fun wedding and it was even better to be able to go to MD and spend a week with my best friend.  With her moving and both of us trying to start families we don't know when we will be able to see each other again so I cherish every moment we spend together.

Congrats Ben and Jaime Fisher!  I love you!

Post #2 with DC will come later :)

 

CoMinG Up FoR AiR

The title definitely tells how I am feeling. We had such a great vacation we arrived home Thursday morning and I have a few posts and lots of pictures I need to post about but I don't have the time or energy today so I'm posting a few random things and then going back to veg on the couch :)

I mentioned we returned home at 1am on Thursday morning, only to have to go to work and the first of a three day Cub Scout Day Camp. It was alot of work but alot of fun. It was 100 degrees yesterday at the park and literally drained the life of out me so last night and today is my time to recoup and get ready for a full week at work

The boys were awesome and made for such a fun experience. I really knew nothing about Scouts before this. I was older than my brothers and by the time they were in scouts I was too cool for it and really didn't go to anything they did (I know bad sister) the theme was a Australian Outback and all the activities were centered around that. I will definitely volunteer next year but maybe only for one day! :)

As part of my calling I not only had to be at the camp all three days with the boys but I had to find all the volunteers the stake wanted our ward to fill. It was hard! Thankfully I have great parents in the cubscouts and was able to fill all spots. I made little volunteer thanks you gifts and distributed today! It's always nice to show people your appreciation. One of the boys made me the nicest card today thanking me for everything and that made all the stress of the last month all worth it!

While we were on vacation the best things that happened that I need to blog about are:

Seeing my best friend get married and getting to spend almost a week with her
Seeing Ryan enjoy DC for the first time (I had been before)
Seeing my other best friend Melanie enjoy the time with Ryan and I in DC and laugh again after having her father pass away last month
Seeing the Space Shuttle Discovery fly by right over our head
Getting our IVF schedule and knowing in less than 3 months we should be on our way to being parents. I am trying to just focus on that and not on the money aspect of it or the shots I have to start in 2 weeks! :)

For those family or friends who have travelled this journey with us next Sunday is fast Sunday and we are specifically fasting for success on our egg retrieval and fertilization (that's happening May 20th on my parents anniversary!). We are also fasting for my mom who has had a rough month, she is having blood pressure issues and has fainted a few times. The doctors gave her some new medicines and we are fasting that the medicines work and her bp goes back to normal and the headaches and fainting stop. We would appreciate any additional prayers you could give!

Okay that's enough for tonight here is a few pics and I'm back to the couch!