Looking Back

I have been reading a friend's blog who is going through IVF right now.   It is so surreal to read her words and instantly know exactly what she is feeling.  She is a beautiful writer and is able to really express and get you to see and feel what she is going through.  I have been where she has been in a closet crying because you don't understand why.  Or throwing a baby shower when I don't know if I can have my own child ever.  It's a hard painful road and I am glad she decided to share her journey because I know talking about it and blogging about it helped me.  I was able to give her our extra medicine we had left over and I hope it is working it's magic on them!  

 

She had her retrieval today and it automatically took me back to this day

 

I can't remember if this was my 1st retrieval or 2nd but you can tell I am thrilled.

 

It seems like just yesterday and yet so long ago.  I remember what the needles felt like but I can't remember what days I took what medicines,  I can remember being so scared and praying and crying but I can't remember how much I had to pay for everything(even though that was my biggest stress),  I can remember the exact date of my transfer (August 20th) and the date I found out I was going to be a mom (August 25th) but I can't remember the dates of every blood draw and ultrasound before or after.

 

I can remember what it felt like hear the word's I lost one of my babies and how my heart ached so bad,  but I have a hard time being anything but happy now for this little miracle I get to welcome into this world in just 9 short weeks.

 

I do not take for granted this gift I have been given AT ALL and the love that my Heavenly Father has shown me by helping me become a mom.  I was able to see him again this morning and see his feet, hands, perfect heart, lungs and brain.  I even saw the hair on his head and I had tears the entire time because of how amazing it is.

 

 I know I might have to do IVF again someday to be able to have another child and if I do I will get wrapped up again in the world of shots, retrievals and transfers.   But for now, I am just so happy and blessed beyond words to be able to bring my healthy baby boy into this family and into my arms.