8.23.14 Family Day

I work full time and I have a toddler, so basically I'm tired all the time.   During the week there is no time for anything,  the house is a mess but at least my kid is happy I am down on the floor playing with him.  

Usually every weekend that we are home I clean,  I start from the time I get up until it's done and try to get the whole family involved (especially with laundry,  I hate folding and putting away).  If I can get Ryan to help me from 10-12 when Holden is down for his morning nap then I at least feel the house is clean enough to go out and play the rest of the day.

It's important to me to go out and do things with Holden. For him to have fun with us and for him to experience things.

Saturday we decided after cleaning to go to lunch and the Shark Reef aquarium again.   We invited my family to come and the boys came and met us at Yard House for lunch but then went to buy Josh a new tv for his new house.   But Grandma and Grandpa came with us and we had so much fun.

Holden sat on Grandma's lap and showed her all the fishes over and over 

This time was so different than when we took him as a babe.  He was so into the fish and he throuroghly enjoyed walking around everywhere and pointing to all the fish.   I am really loving this stage and excitement and learning Holden figures out daily.

I'm a lucky woman having these two boys in my life.

video's...

I obviously take a lot of pictures of Holden.

I take just as many video's.  But when I am blogging from my phone at night while trying to get a 30 minute relaxing bath by myself it won't let me load videos.

So here is a few..

Here is Holden feeding the ducks when we went to Salt Lake a few weeks ago.   It amazes me what a big boy he is becoming.

Here he is drawing his first picture out to eat.   Normally he used to just try to eat the crayon,  he still tried that but he tried to draw just as much.

My mom gave Holden this Christmas microphone that makes elf sounds and sings.  To say Holden likes it now is a understatement.  The microphone is going to get "broke" soon for a little while.  But he loves it and my mom loves getting video's of him singing so I'll keep it for now.

life in photos 8.15.2014

My life is in iPhone photos.  We went up to Salt Lake for a wedding and of course I didn't remember my camera.  I don't know why I have such a hard time with it but I do.  

So let's see what has been going on :

We went to Richfield for the 4th of July,  we has a blast and Holden got spoiled playing with his cousins.  Richfield does the 4th right and the fireworks were the best I have seen.  We will be going back next year for sure!

Holden all dressed for church and looking like a little old man wearing suspenders.

Holden and his backpack...that he does not want to take off.

Pioneer Days at Stephenson Park with the North Stake.  Holden had both sets of Grandparents there and got spoiled with popsicles and anything he wanted.  The fireworks show was good but not as long as I remember it being.

Holden's first REAL haircut.  He did pretty good and we just trimmed a little off so he didn't have a huge mullet.

We went to Salt Lake for my cousin Chris's wedding.  Holden puke in the car right before Mesquite and our car ride was not too pleasant after that.

We went to the temple and Holden played in the water.

We went and saw "Yeesus" 

We went and fed the ducks at a pond.

We spent a great saturday with all my family at the sealing, luncheon and reception,

Holden might have some musical skillz.

The car ride home was a peaceful sleeping baby.

My momma...

May 2014

October 2013

June 2011

August 2010

May 2010

My mom is dying and it SUCKS!  

I feel like I go through every day in denial in order for me just to get through.   

I feel emotionless sometimes because my life is too busy for me to have a breakdown.  Work is busy, having a toddler is busy and helping my family is busy.  I feel like I am not a good enough co-worker, mom, sister, daughter or wife right now.  I don't have time to help everyone all the time and I feel like my parents are upset because I can't see them multiple times a week,  I feel like my brothers are mad because they are doing more than me right now, I feel like Ryan is mad because we spend so much time with my family and not his and I feel like my boss is mad that I leave work at 5 because I am too busy.  

And I'm PISSED!

I'm pissed that I am 34 years old with a 1 year old and who knows if my mom is going to live to see him turn 2. I'm pissed that my two brothers aren't even married yet and who knows if my mom is going to live to see them married.

 I'm pissed that both my parents are sick with life threatening illnesses. 

I'm pissed that 5 years ago my healthy parents were enjoying life and enjoying all their children out of the house and were travelling and finally living for them and then boom.  In one year our lives changed forever.

I'm pissed my mom who dieted her whole life to be skinny is now 110lbs and can't even walk on her own.

I'm pissed I feel like I can't even take my mom anywhere because I can't handle her and Holden together alone, it's too much.

I'm pissed because my mom is an amazing grandma and that's all she talked about and I waited too long to have a baby and now she can't fully enjoy him.

And I'm SAD

I'm sad that the love and faith my mom had for the Gospel is shaken,  people talk in church all the time about trials and how they relied on Heavenly Father to get him through.  And I just want to stand up sometimes and scream at them.  You had a trial about your car breaking down, Not knowing you are dying and not being able to do anything about it.  When you have a trial like that let's see how your testimony holds up.

I'm sad my brother who brought me back into the Gospel is so similar to my mom and is anger and is struggling with the Gospel.

I'm sad to see when you really need people who's there and who's not.

I'm sad to think in 5 years I could have no parents.

I miss my mom.  I miss my fun mom.  I miss my silly mom.  I miss Patty Ann.

I hold tight to two quotes to keep me going:

One by Jeffrey R. Holland and it says “Some blessings come soon,  some come late and some don’t come until Heaven,  but for those that embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ.  They come”

“Everything will be okay in the end, if it’s not okay then it is not the end.”