Today I'm going to sulk

At the doctor's office this morning Ryan and I learned that Baby B had no heartbeat. Baby B stopped growing at 8 weeks and 5 days on Monday. We were very shocked, every ultrasound has looked good and the heartbeat was always normal.

I am heartbroken, I was so used to the idea of having twins now and was so excited for the future chaos. Knowing that is gone and that Baby B will not get any bigger than 1 inch and will eventually absorb into my pregnancy makes me so sad.

My mind is racing what did I do, what could I have done. My doctor assures me I couldn't have done anything that it is called vanishing twin syndrome and that it just happens sometimes. But it's hard I thought if we made it to 9 weeks that we would be okay and I just never expected to hear those words this morning.

I had ordered a shirt for Maggie and had made shirts for Ryan and I and we were going to take pictures this weekend to announce it next week. And I am so sad those shirt's saying we have two babies need to go in the garbage, that the double stroller and two crib dream is over.

But tomorrow is another day and tomorrow I will be better and will be grateful and blessed to still have one healthy baby growing inside of me. Baby A is thriving and even though I am shakin up and nervous something could happen now. I will just do everything I can to protect this baby. I will not complain about my medicine, an will just be grateful everytime I get to see my baby grow.

Thank you all for your continued prayers. We love you.